In Which I Go Arse Over Teakettle
Posted under: This past week, I was bad at something.
I know, I know, try to contain your gasps of horror and disbelief.
Thing is, I wasn’t horrible, and I got better. It’s something I’ve never done before, and there was no reason for me to be good at it right off the bat. That, and there’s my fear (scratch that, terror) of looking stupid in public, and I pretty much set myself up for a neurotic weekend.
And for what?
Something that I didn’t ace. I feel like such a drama queen.
Did I ace writing the first time I tried it? Well, that story about the giraffe getting sent into space wasn’t EXACTLY on the New York Times Bestseller list.
Or what about my art? I shudder to remember my awkward Lion King drawings.
Or what about any of a million other things?
No, of course not.
And yet it’s taken me all weekend to stop having flashes of embarrassment over it.
I’m still learning the lesson that it’s okay to fail. It’s GOOD to fail. Failing teaches me. I can learn from a failure, far more than I can learn from a relative success.
I know all the cliches, I know all of the sage advice.
And yet my stomach was in knots. *laughs ruefully* Learning lessons in real life is never quite as neat and tidy as it was in the picture books I grew up reading. Maybe I should have paid more attention then.
I’m not going to give up. I AM going to improve. But I am going to keep throttling myself every time I latch on to the few things I did wrong and remind myself that it’s okay. I don’t want to be afraid to try new things. Hopefully it’ll get easier and easier to throttle that fear.
And maybe someday I’ll get brave enough to take dancing lessons. Or karate.
I am not, however, going sky diving. There’s a line. And on this side of it, I ain’t insane.
Nothing can be perfect, and you can and will always improve. I’m glad you’re not giving up – I’m intrigued as to what it was though!
Hope you don’t mind me reading this, found it through Bre’s TMI blog. :)
So…what was it?
Also, skydiving is fun. You should try it sometime. Just be sure to find someone who will “help you” out of the plane.
@Marylin
Not at all, you’re very welcome! Thanks for coming!
@Brad-o
No thanks on the skydiving. *shudder*
@Both
Ah, but the point (for me, at least) was that it doesn’t matter what it was. I would be beating myself up for absolutely no good reason regardless of whether it had been a public reading, a speech, a presentation, ballroom dancing, karaoke – any number of things at which someone is not expected to excel immediately.
I hope to look back on this post and forget what it was I did, and instead remember how I felt, and how I want NOT to feel again.
=]
Yeah, been there many times myself. Best of luck with the picking of self up, and dusting of self off.
Yeah, but I’m interested in visual of you actually going “arse over teakettle”. I’m sure it’ll help…or something. :D
I have the same problem, to be honest. There are quite a few things I don’t do because I don’t want to do them poorly (and I’m not really willing to learn). Dancing is a perfect example of something I don’t do.
@Michael
Thanks!
@Brad-o
This particular case didn’t result in me literally going arse over teakettle, but it’s an apt enough description for how I felt. *grins*
Your other problem is that you don’t have TIME to pursue any of these things, too. Mr. Overtime.