Engaging a Reading/Critiquing Partner
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Let me set the scene for you.
It’s high noon and the sun is so hot you’ve actually stopped sweating. The broad brim of your cowboy hat barely shades your eyes and a tumbleweed dances past, caught in a breeze you only wish you could feel.
Your fingers tickle the pearl-handled six-shooters at your hips and not far away, someone starts ominously playing a banjo. You didn’t even know banjos could be ominous, but a chill slithers down your spine with each heart-stopping twang.
You’re surrounded. Bushwhacked. Outnumbered.
Your writing started out so well. You love it. It loved you. But then … something went horribly, terribly wrong.
And now? Now you’re alone (except for that bastard banjo player, who is really starting to get on your nerves) and your words have turned against you. You’re bleeding from a score of papercuts, but you know your manuscript isn’t done with you yet.
You can’t handle this on your own.
You need backup.
So you ask another writer for help.
*the most irritating record-scratch in the world*
HOLD THE PHONE, BUCKO.
Before you blithely ask someone to help you with your writing, do you realize exactly what you’re asking?
Just … you know, want another set of eyeballs to look over that misbehaving text and give you some pointers, what’s wrong with that?
I’m so glad you asked. Let me tell you a little secret -
Wait, no, it’s not a secret at all.
Asking someone to read over your work is like handing someone a photo of your child in their most recent Halloween photo and asking a professional plastic surgeon and seamstress (shush, they do so exist, and I need one for my analogy not to crumble to tiny, pathetic bits) what they think.
You know what they’re going to say? “Oh, what an adorable child. And the costume is very cute!”
And then you press them for more (fishing for compliments, perhaps?) and they’re all like, “Everyone loves dinosaurs. That’s a great t-rex outfit on your little boy!” at which point you stutter, “Actually, that’s a carebear. And her name is Petunia.”
Um.
Yeah.
AH-WKWARD!
Most writers do not want honest feedback.
I’m gonna say it again, in all caps, because it’s true.
MOST WRITERS DO NOT WANT HONEST FEEDBACK.
Don’t get huffy with me about how YOU aren’t one of THOSE writers, and of COURSE you want honest feedback because unlike those other posers, you want to better yourself and your writer, and you can’t do that if everyone tells you how adorable your son is in that dinosaur costume.
Furthermore, I’m not saying that like it’s a naughty way to feel.
Writing takes bravery. Most of the time, writing is the act of stripping your soul naked and dancing in front of a critical audience. No matter how professional you are, getting a bad review HURTS, and writers don’t want to hurt other writers, especially if they’re friends.
Also, when a writer is new, being brutally honest can totally discourage a promising writing talent. Nobody tells a five-year old that the hand-print turkey they’re so proud of is anatomically inaccurate. Well, not unless you’re a total jerkface.
Safe critiquing is always positive, and ideally contains at least one example item from within the text that you truly enjoyed.
SOME writers actually do want honest feedback.
If someone says negative things about your writing and your reaction is to decide you’re obviously a TERRIBLE writer who will never ever be able to write properly, and the person who said it must HATE you and has no idea how to write …
… you are not yet ready for honest feedback, grasshopper.
It’s okay. We’ve all been there. Keep writing and build your self-confidence until you reach that point.
Obviously, that last bit had nothing to do with you.
Right, I’m willing to accept that you’re ready for a real critique if you are. You know you better than I do.
So, can you go find another writer to help you out yet? Just one quick email, and you’ll be set –
*record screech again*
GOOD GRIEF, SLOW DOWN. I haven’t even gotten to the point of the post yet.
How to Ask Another Writer To Help You With Your Writing
1) Acknowledge that they are busy. Tell them that you understand that they have their own writing and their own life, and you really appreciate any time they might be able to give you.
Do not follow this up with daily or hourly emails demanding to know why they haven’t read or commented on your writing yet. Gentle weekly reminders should be sufficient, and if a month goes by, assume they aren’t going to read it and leave them alone. If you want to confront them about why they haven’t read it yet, be prepared for them to tell you exactly why. And for it not to be pretty.
2) Do they even like the type of book you are writing? Are you asking someone who prefers light and fluffy fantasy novels to read your dark, disturbing techno-thriller? Some writers are good enough to offer advice on subject matter they don’t find interesting, but the best commentary is going to come from someone who represents your intended audience.
3) Tell them exactly what kind of critiquing you want. Give specific examples. “Hold nothing back” is worse than useless, because it’s probably not true. Do you want them pointing out every spello and typo? Or do you really just want to know whether or not they like your heroine, and why?
Also, if you’re waiting to show a “finished product” to a reader, you need to know the sorts of things you’re both willing and able to change at that late stage. If they point out a plot point that they dislike or consider weak, can you change it? Even if you agreed after the comment that it could use some work, would you be willing to go to the effort to strengthen it?
Also the second – this doesn’t mean advice from other writers should be considered infallible.
That being said, there’s a difference between actually thinking about feedback and immediately tossing it in the rubbish bin. If you ask someone to take the time to help you with your writing, ignoring every single piece of advice they give you is a pretty horrible way to say “Thank you.”
4) Give. If they are your target audience, then it’s also likely that you are THEIR target audience (we tend to write the books we ourselves want to read). Would you be willing to reciprocate? You should value the time given to you by other people MORE than you value your own time. If you can or will not take the time to help someone the same way you are asking them to help you, then don’t even bother asking. Maybe they don’t need your help, but you’re still asking for something for nothing. You’re telling the other person that you believe their time to be worthless every time you ask them for advice, but can’t quite find time to read their writing.
5) I love numbered lists. Do not be frightened by the numbers. They love you, and want you to be happy. *gently pets the number 5, which purrs*
Be Not Afraid
I can see how this would be kinda like knocking on someone’s door and asking for a cup of sugar only to be laden with mixing bowls, recipe books, and stern admonitions to use only whole wheat flour in your cupcakes, so I hope it’s not too overwhelming!
My goal is to help you bypass some of the pitfalls in the critique partner/reading buddy setups I’ve had in the past. Communication and understanding are key. Both sides of the relationship should have the SAME vision.
There is no such thing as “just asking someone to read your work.” Writers know that you’re really asking them to look at a fragment of your soul, and that kind of exchange should never be entered into on a whim.
Okay, right. So yes, technically the woman in the first icon is being attacked by a squid. Look. I swear. I tried to find a cowboy hat or a tumbleweed or boots or a gun or SOMETHING and it turns out that when I was hunting icons for my blog, I thought I’d have more use for zombie, vampire, and squid attack icons than cowboy stuff. Be grateful for small blessings – you almost got a wooden zebra pull-toy because that was ALMOST like a cowboy’s horse and I was getting desperate.
Great post as usual, madam. I personally really liked point number three. Generally when I read someone else’s work, unless they tell me they want specific information on the piece, I tend to keep it general and will only mention something-critic-wise if it really stands out. Usually then it is very gently praised and I often point out the parts I felt really did work.
Why? Because many times the writer is like you said, just getting their bearings and who the hell am I to be an ass if they didn’t ask for it. Now if they ask for specifics regarding a character, plot or what not, then I can be more constructive (without being a jerkface. You never have be an elitist assh*le) and try to be as helpful as I can be.
Also I really think it depends on where someone is in the writing process. A first draft is going to be butchered when the writer goes back and revises, so is there a real point to go over every single thing that stuck you? No, all it does, in my opinion is stifle the writer from actually finishing the first draft. Too much input when you aren’t even done for all sort of source is akin to “too many chefs in the kitchen” syndrome. Sometimes you just have to let them flounder and then when they are ready to review and revisit help them clean out the mess.
I just wish I could find a beta reader/critique group, let alone learn how to interact with one.
But your advice is good for if I ever do…
.-= mmegaera´s last blog ..Ken Burns beat me to her, but not for lack of trying on my part =-.
@Bre
Great notes! *laughs* Love the “too many chefs in the kitchen” bit!
@mmegaera
Holly Lisle has a great article on Writer’s Groups
http://hollylisle.com/fm/Articles/group1.html
Most towns tend to have some kind of writing community – if you can’t find one – create or ask for one! For example, my local library and coffee shop allow personal postings on their boards – I could put up a flier saying that I was looking for a writing group there and see if I got any nibbles.
There’s online groups as well, which are certainly better than nothing.
Good luck finding your circle. =]
I’ve tried going the local route via posting on local bulletin boards both online (meetup.com) and on paper (mostly the library) several times in the sixteen years since I moved here, but I’ve never had any luck in the long term, or even in the short term, mostly. I did have one critique partner a few years ago who I met through the online chapter of RWA (I’m no longer a member, as my writing went in other directions), but she sort of vanished from my life a few years ago when she decided that she didn’t have the time to write, let alone critique and be critiqued.
This is a big area for writers (I live near Seattle), and I know they’re out there — I just can’t seem to gather a group together or find one.
I know and love Holly Lisle’s website, too. She’s got a lot of good advice.
Yeah I read the whole thing, so glad you covered the woman being assaulted by the octopus. Sadly, I’ve read this twice now, and I’m still wondering about the octopus. He must have come from the blue on the sides of the page. It is a pretty blue, if I were an octopus I’d love the blue on each side of the page. Then I could lurk, peering occassionally at the through the two o’s in your name to see when the bird is out with his cup of cocoa and then snatch him!
Mwuahaha! I have you now bird and your cocoa too! Unfortunately the cocoa would have to be drunk immediately to keep from soiling my pretty blue on the sides of the page. The bird would then be hugged and released, he is too cute to kill and there might be a chance for more cocoa!
.-= Byrd´s last blog ..Back from “Christmas Vacation” =-.
Very, very well done (as always). And just to put your mind at ease (*grins*), I do want honest feedback, because unlike you, I don’t have an extra 30 years to figure this all out on my own.
On the other hand, if you don’t like science fiction, you better tell me now. ;)
<3
.-= Steve Hall´s last blog ..Two-Minute Drill: Allude and Elude =-.
Sound advice, as usual.
There will come a time when I am looking for someone to look over some of my work. I am sure of it. I will certainly be coming back to this for a refresher when that happens.
Now I just need to get back in the saddle and write something other than WoW blog posts.
.-= Dechion´s last blog ..It’s winter people, get over it. =-.
“writing is the act of stripping your soul naked and dancing in front of a critical audience”
…and I don’t even get singles for it.
All kidding aside, that is a great analogy.
Fantastic advice, that I will have to keep handy. It’s tough wanting feedback, but not knowing what kind of feedback you are going to get. I appreciate constructive, non-jerkface feedback.
Although, I’m learning how to sort through even jerkface comments to find their hidden pearls of wisdom.
And honestly, your advice here applies to much more than writing. *nodnod*
…all I can say is, don’t ask me for a critique unless you actually want one. I only do the nice “it’s good for an early try” pass once per person per type of work. Then, you get a warning and a question about how much of a critique you’re looking for.
I’m merciless when it comes to reviewing code and I can do that just as easily with a book. Buyer beware!
@Steve
*laughs* I know you do. Scifi isn’t my favorite genre, but I’ll happily read it and I can give what feedback I think a non-scifi reader can give. =]
@Dechion
It would be easier if your wow posts weren’t so entertaining!
@Syrana
I think finding wisdom in a jerkface comment is an awesome talent, and I envy you it. <3
@Brad-o
I love that about you. If I want to be coddled, I know where to go. Having someone willing to tell you the truth is a gift, and I treasure it.
… although that does mean I wait until I have more than a rough draft to ask for your help! *grins*
.-= Tami´s last blog ..Engaging a Reading/Critiquing Partner =-.
I’ve been a member of a couple of great writing groups, which is my favorite way of getting and giving feedback. But it really depends on the group–all you need is one whackjob and the whole group goes from useful to torture.
.-= Crabby McSlacker´s last blog ..What To Do When Nothing Else Effing Works: A Short Guide To Silliness =-.
@Crabby
I think any writing group (whether official or unofficial) should have rules and someone willing to enforce them to keep that kind of thing from happening.
.-= Tami´s last blog ..Engaging a Reading/Critiquing Partner =-.
I’m glad I engaged a reading/critiquing partner before reading this. I might have been frightened silly by the prospect. ;)
.-= Charlie Hills´s last blog ..Plot? What Plot? =-.
@Charlie
Thbbbtttttt.
I was wondering if you’d notice this. *grins*
.-= Tami´s last blog ..Weekly Wordcount =-.